…What Will I Even Talk About?
The following is a rough draft of notes from a little talk I was invited to give for a small group of moms. The group met monthly (pre-lockdown) to share and support each other in areas of homeschooling and parenting. I didn’t share all of what I wrote here, and not everything here is even a complete thought, just bullet-points for discussion. This was mostly me trying to make sure there’s a Biblical precept to justify doing or not doing things regarding home education and the home atmosphere. The final draft of my talk is posted under Homeschooling, too. It’s less wordy, and probably more practical.
Rhythm: Regular occurrence of elements in a system of motion
Ritual: any practice or pattern of behavior regularly performed in a set manner
Red-Letter Days: A day that is pleasantly noteworthy or memorable, from early 18th century practice of highlighting a festival in red on a calendar.
When asked, I often refer to our homeschooling approach as “homeschooling sleight of hand”: simple activities with a large “Return on Investment”. I also like dependable multitaskers. We hear much in praise of making memories with our children, those special activities that mark the passage of time and keep life at a discernible pace. If red-letter days are the goal, then ritual and rhythm are a wonderful means. But we cannot suddenly impose new tasks upon our already busy schedule without a motive behind them to keep it sustainable. We may even have to edit some practices in favor of better ones. My prayer is to pass along scriptural inspiration for incorporating ritual and rhythm in your own lives and the result would be an upswing in red-letter days.
We live in time, and rely on clocks, calendars, watches and a myriad of objects to stay on top of things. The calendar even reminds us when to change the clocks, unless our clock is on our phone, and then it changes itself. But staying on top of things right down to the minute doesn’t equal staying sane. Though our weeks are full of holidays and lovely events requesting the honor of our presence, our calendars say nothing to remind us when to rest and reflect; and to save up celebrations for when the calendar says so is like trying to blow up a balloon in one breath. The soul needs to come up for air. In order to sustain the busy-ness of even the homeschooled life, each soul needs maintenance, and the activities need to be practical, inexpensive, easy to repeat. A little goes a long way, but it must be deliberate. Some rituals can only be done at home, and some are moveable. A good litmus test is: if you can explain the activity and the reason in one sentence to a child and they understand - and especially if they want to begin straight away and keep doing it - then it is a good one.
Example: “We are making gingerbread because it is the first rainy day of fall. OR “We are stopping everything to make a trip to the store for molasses because we are out and we need it to make gingerbread because it is the first rainy day of fall.”
The Levite priests were chosen by God to minister to Him and to His people. They were assigned outward tasks meant to reflect an inward intimacy or to illustrate an aspect of God’s character and heart. Some rituals were daily, some monthly, some annually, moving with the rhythm of the people and the seasons. There were calendar holy-days of celebration, of gratitude, of repentance, and remembrance. But in the spaces between, the priests’ tasks of facilitating fellowship and instruction and mercy were still there, and still just as vital. Reaching one hand to their family and community while raising the other to the Father, God used them to give us a preview of what Christ does daily for each of us. We are invited to imitate that posture in homeschooling, receiving directions from the hand of God through His word and and prayer, and handing it down to our children. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of daily personal devotion and group Bible study and prayer before each home-school-day.
Their tasks were specific, exacting, sometimes tedious and nauseating, sometimes grievous and difficult, but altogether it was sacred and sanctified. They were facilitators of knowledge, mercy, and fellowship. They were not tradespeople, or warriors or engineers, but they worked, and it was hard work. Some of the most important aspects of their work were directed and seen by God alone, but were performed in obedience for the sake of their families and friends and the community as a whole. In choosing to stay home and educate our children, we have our own vital, sacred tasks and also the luxury of that same invisibility, of discretion, and protection from unnecessary pressures as we teach and grow right along with our children.
The Levites tasks of extending a hand to the people and the other to the Lord was a round-the-clock job, and they were subsequently exempt from other expectations and activities of the masses. We have our own sacred and sanctified tasks which have a built-in “invisibility clause”. We can deploy that clause when our family needs protection from unnecessary pressure. Homeschooling creates a necessary space for itself in which what would normally fill that space has to move around. This is a blessing when you sense that your extras are getting too extra. If you need to get home because it’s time for tea, or or set an example of a distraction-free environment by saving social media for later, then nobody can really say otherwise.
Jesus was placed in a hurting world at war with itself. His own ministers had abandoned their posts, not to mention the swarms of the lost everywhere. He had no place to rest His head and no regular place from which to minister, so He created an atmosphere of fellowship, safety, correction, and love wherever He happened to be: a boat, a beach, a hilltop, a garden, a home. He was fully present, and His presence was enough to foster an environment of growth and goodness. And then He departed, leaving His Spirit as a witness and guide and reminder. We as mothers have the privilege of creating an atmosphere which fosters creativity, questions, improvement, silliness and sincerity.
My calling is to be a child of God, and a wife, and a mother. Truthfully, homeschooling for me is not a calling, because it is not a necessary requirement to fulfill the first three, which are inarguable. Homeschooling is just one of the joyful and humbling means by which the third calling is manifesting itself. But if a day came where I would be a better mother to educate our children in a different way because their needs had changed or we came up against something that prevented my husband from working, then there would be an unnecessary source of tension and grief if I viewed homeschooling as a calling that I was now required to set aside. Be clear in your mind about what your calling truly is, and what your purpose on this planet is, and you will have the ability to keep your priorities in order and not put too much or too little pressure on yourself or your children (not to mention on others).
Digital Dilemma: We live in a digital age. Kids are savvy and they have super radars for double standards. To safeguard from not practicing what we preach, digital devices can’t be a free-for-all, not even for us. Like employees in the workplace, we can’t be updating instagram or reading the news while sitting next to our kids as they work out math problems. But co-workers DO interact, so we can prepare them for that dynamic in a homeschool setting. Kids chat in class in public school, so consider allowing a bit of texting during school hours at home, and certainly during breaks and lunch. For the most part, leave your phone out of arm’s reach. Use it to take photos of special activities or to pull up a supplemental article or video. But otherwise, leave it alone until everyone takes a break.
A Semi-permeable membrane: We choose what comes and goes in and out of the home and the heart.
“Above all else, guard your heart.” Proverbs 4:23
Children = people = entitled to input
Major on the majors
yes pile/no pile
good/better/best
Free time = checks and balances, not at another’s expense
Pillars are the path to free time
Tip the scales in their favor: what the eye lands on
You’re in charge of your own fun
Feeding the soul with silence
Throwing in the towel
